As fraternal twins, I'm always trying to make sure I treat each boy fairly, with respect and as individuals. I want to be remembered as a good mother who responds to each boy in a way that is best for their growth and independence. It would be easy to respond the same to each and try to keep things 'equal'. But, from the very beginning I heard a phrase that I try to live by. "Fair isn't always equal." I knew from day one that these were different boys.
Cory is the one that gets beat up on at home. He gets pushed, sat on, bitten and his toys taken away. He cries and mommy comes to his rescue. I hold him and comfort him and then put Tyler in time out. Tyler comes out and says sorry and we're all ok again. Cory needs his DeeDee for comfort and has a finger sucking habit that helps calm him. He is the better sleeper. He goes down for naps and nighttime without a peep. He sleeps 12 hours at night and will nap a consistent 2-3 hours at nap time.
Tyler is aggressive. He repeatadly got in trouble for biting at daycare before I brought them home with me full time while on maternity leave. He will take advantage of his slight weight and height advantage and push Cory around. He spent a lot more time in time out over the summer for infractions like beating up his brother, stealing toys, or chasing the dogs with his dump truck. Tyler has a harder time going to sleep and was a night waker for a lot longer. That prompted us to separate their rooms. They still have their own rooms and I don't forsee putting them back together unless as they get older they want to. Tyler is also the one that wants to kiss Amber all the time and is very affectionate and sweet. He will be as likely to bring a toy to Cory as he is to steal one.
But I've noticed, just in the last few weeks since I've been back at work that both are growing and blossoming in ways that maybe wouldn't have happened if we were all still at home together. I've observed Cory jumping right in at daycare, right in the middle of the pack. He is the center of attention and is not shy about showing the other kids that he is a part of the pack. When I show up to pick him up, he wants to stay there. He is also starting to let us know when he's angry. I think he might be a lot like my dad.
Tyler is a little more reserved. The first few days he cried for mommy a lot and held onto his DeeDee for comfort. He played on his own a lot and wanted to go home immediately when I got there to "go see Daddy." He's starting to warm up a little now, but it took longer than I thought. I think he might be a lot like Miles' dad.
This post by "I think this world is perfect...." reminded me that there is a lot of nurture that goes into our kids' development, but a lot of it is nature too.
I'm sure they will continue to grow and switch roles and surprise me. I hope I always have the forsight to respond to the action and treat each one as they are. Brothers.